When you feel a difficult emotion, guilt, tension, fear, the first urge is to push it away or get completely swept up in it. Neither works. What does work: relaxing in your body while the emotion is there. Not to get rid of it, but to be able to carry it. A relaxed body can stay with difficult emotions; a tense body can't. One percent of relaxation is enough to start. Do this the moment you feel an intense emotion or tension. Explore the following spots one by one, about 30 seconds each.

• • Your face. Make a subtle smile, so small that no one notices. This relaxes not only your facial muscles but your whole system.
  • Your jaw. Let your jaws drop a few millimetres.
  • Your shoulders. Imagine they're finally being relieved of an invisible backpack.
  • Your stomach. Rest your hand gently on it.
  • Your hands. First clench them completely, as if squeezing a lemon, then let go. Can you feel the difference? This is called progressive relaxation: tense first, then relax. The contrast helps you feel the hidden tension more clearly.

Think there's no relaxation left to find? Then allow another 1 percent. There are often many floors still to discover, each layer revealing a deeper calm.